We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel you near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if each promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win, we know
That pain reminds this hearts,
That this is not, this is not our home…..
It’s not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life,
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.
What if trials of this life,
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?

 

I think this song is a very touching poem.. A very simple yet truthful poem that i know if i analyse it i would tear..

Blessings through raindrops…Raindrops drops from above. & God is above all… Rain is always associated with sadness..Yet the benefits of rain are so many…We need rain, water to survive..a blessing from God.   Big raindrops could hurt a lot more than small raindrops due to gravity…But indeed, the bigger the our trails, the stronger we get. The more things we learn. The better person we become. The bigger the blessings… So what is your blessings come through raindrops?

It could hurt upon impact, but once it splatters on us, the blessings are revealed. Would we still want blessings, if it means coming through raindrops?

I like the last stanza.

What if my greatest disappointments, Or the aching of this life, Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy? It gave me a revelation. Our disappointments and hurt reflects our yearning for God. Our hearts are innately programmed to seek for God. Our hearts needed God’s perfection, his love his grace his mercy his power to survive. So our minds, being a processor, try to find God in the most obvious way–through people. We don’t get utterly disappointed at kittens do we? People created out of God’s image. So when we try to attach ourselves to “God” to obtain similar love, grace, mercy, perfection…we couldn’t find exactly what we wanted –the things only God could satisfy.

My 2011

 

Wow. it just flew past like that. So many trials. So many temptations. So many emotions. So many people.  So much growth. So much change. So much for 2011.

2011 was a year of transition! Only that i think it’d take more than just 1 year to carefully, successfully transit to tertiary education. It feels like i’m just 1/4 of the way there you know. I don’t feel the brand new beginning… because its not like other years where you start a new school year with new topics/subjects. i’m just continuing where i left my assignments at last year -___- and its tons n tons

OH WELLLLL. I’M LAZY

I missed you, God.

When you cry, I hold you. I wipe away your never-ending tears. You push me away. You hit me. You tell me to leave you alone as you walk away, sobbing. But my love, that is simply not good enough for me, but you are. So I chase after you, I put my arms around you. You put your hands into fists and start fighting me away, but I don’t relent when it comes to the one I love. I grab your wrists in one hand, I gently wipe away the tears from eyes so red and swollen from your refusal to let them show. You start crying again, and I wipe away every single tear streaming down your face. You put your hot face in the middle of my chest, and finally let me hold you. I let go of your wrists and you wrap your arms around me. Your face is buried in my chest, your hands cling onto me as if I am all you have left, because I am. You cry and cry and cry, but you’re done fighting, and now you’re just letting me love you. That’s all I wanted, anyway.

GOD

I’m so sorry Lord, i have been so far away… Life is getting its hold on me and i refused to let go. I have FORGOTTEN that I’m supposed to let go. All the assignments, heartaches, disappointments, troubles, worries, anxieties…

The thing is. I kept thinking that “God will give me strength…God will give me strength. He will give me strength to do all those assignments, to conquer all those troubles and disappointments..” I kept thinking that..& I have forgotten that God will conquer them for me. I have forgotten that I’m not just supposed to fight the battle by just asking God for strength to go through. I was supposed to give God the strength to fight the battle for me. I was supposed to give God the authority, the power, to fight this battle FOR me. I shouldn’t be just asking God to give me strength to carry on. But i should have asked God for more of Him. More of God Himself. Because ALL the strength that i need is in him. So why did i keep asking for strength when i could ask for ALL of Him?

In other sad words, i seek for his strength more than i was actually seeking for Him. That’s why although i haven’t exactly backslided, it had been so tough. It should have been so much easier. I shouldn’t be striving so hard to earn what i already possess. God’s grace.

I love those moments when I just sit back and all of a sudden realize just how big God is all over again.

Is it possible to persevere on with a faith that doesn’t discourage over time?

I take back my words that i said i liked to be sick. NOW I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. Yes, i am sick again! -.- 1 week plus already. I think i’m sick 1/4 of the year at least. SUCH A WASTE. WASTE OF MONEY. WASTE OF TIME. WASTE OF ENERGY.

Poly life is really tough on me. Especially my grades. I CAN’T DENY THAT IT IS KILLING ME. killing my spirituality. I have inner conflict all the time. I want to do well so badly. I want to keep up to expectations. That i feel that i’m sacrificing my time with God for this.

Something ought to be done about this.

I’m putting on hold many things right now. & soon. I am going to cancel some. I just can’t bear to put my spiritual walk with God at risk.No way.

On this day of your life, Esther, we believe God wants you to know … that truth has strength and power of its own.

In any situation you find yourself in, look for truth, search for it deep in your heart. Let that truth of your heart flow, and you will see obstacles melt like ice.

AHHHH. So what exactly does this mean? :/ I asked God, to tell me what should i do through the “God wants me to know” messages. Because I’m stuck between many decisions and i really need some direction. So that above was the message i got. oh my…. but i still can’t exactly decipher it lol. Yes, it speaks to my situation but i think i need some analytic skills.

 

Hais, I’m going through so much lately. Two hands isn’t enough. I have physical emotional spiritual problems -.- I know i shouldn’t despise my youth, but I’m only 17! There’s only so much i can take…But then again i have a God of infinite power. I shouldn’t belittle myself.

Finding nemo

Its like i don’t know you anymore. And i don’t know myself.

Its like you were lost and i was searching for you. But i lost myself in the midst of finding you. And when i found you, i found a stranger and i can’t find myself.

Oh Lord, search and rescue me.

I don’t want t…

I don’t want to cry anymore.

Seriously, its pissing me off lol -.- Because even if i tried to hold my tears, it would just fall. Even if i don’t breathe it will still fall.

Dear God,

Save me from this misery.

Amen

Blogging

Hi all, i’m back. I know i don’t have much readers…plus im so irregular in my blogging, most of my readers won’t visit my blog that often anyway. XD I’m so sorry for not blogging as much as i used to. There are so many times God prompt me to blog. But i think i kinda didn’t because i was too tired…. T.T

HAHA, i shall blog about something soon!

Missing

I miss you baby So much.. Life is just missing something without you. It’s missing you. I’m missing you. Everything just seems to remind me of you. My house, your house,  my school, our church, my phone, my water bottle, my hand, even the air i breathe reminds me of you. I’ll start missing you until i get real sad, until tears form in my eyes.To prevent the tears from falling, i would have to hold my breath.. Then i’ll get real angry because today is already the 4th day since you left for Taiwan. And i have been like this for the past 4 MONTHS -.- Everything i thought about you leaving i’ll just get so upset………..and angry.

Oh my goodness i sound so emo and desperate! LOLz ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.. I’m still getting closer to God each day

AWWW 7MORE DAYS PLEASE QUICKLY COMMEEEE………